


Felis catus

by nostalgia



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Gen, I am very sorry, but he does look like grumpycat, no real ending either, no redeeming features
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: Watson would doubtless appreciate a freshly-killed mouse.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & Joan Watson (Elementary)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	Felis catus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nonelvis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonelvis/gifts).



The first time it happens he thinks, in quick succession, _Have I been poisoned?_ , _Did I accidentally ingest a hallucinogenic substance?_ , and _I wonder if I can lick my own genitals._

__(Not that he wants to, just... well, just that he wonders.)_ _

__The first course of action would seem to be to eliminate the impossible, but as a human being turning into a cat is by it's very nature impossible, this approach doesn't really help. Clearly he _is_ a cat, regardless of how unlikely that seems. _ _

____Mirror_.__ _

__All the mirrors in the brownstone are at the height of a standing human, and cats are quite short by comparison. He jumps up onto the table and tries to catch his own reflection in the window._ _

__Sherlock is quite grumpy-looking in cat form. He lifts a paw to his ears, watches the reflection copy his movements._ _

____I should probably make Watson aware of what's happened.__ _ _

__He jumps back down to the floor, admiring his own cat reflexes as he lands perfectly in front of the fridge. He pauses, because it has occurred to him that he should take her a gift as a token of his affection. A nice mouse, perhaps. Watson would doubtless appreciate a freshly-killed mouse. There's probably one in the basement, and then -_ _

__No, wait, that's cat-logic. Watson almost certainly would _not_ be pleased if he deposited a dead mouse on her pillow for her to find when she wakes up. Don't think like a cat, that way lies madness. _ _

__He climbs the stairs and stops in front of her bedroom. Door handle. No opposable thumbs. Damn._ _

__“Watson!”_ _

__He waits._ _

__“WATSON!”_ _

__He sits on the floor shouting for several minutes until the door opens and Watson stares down, sleepy-eyed and confused._ _

__“Watson, I don't want to alarm you but I seem to have turned into a cat.”_ _

__She leans down and scratches him behind the ears. “How did you get in here?”_ _

__“It's me,” he says, “I've turned into a cat.”_ _

__She looks away. “Sherlock? Do we have a cat now?”_ _

__“As I said -”_ _

__She reaches down and picks him up, dangling him at arm's-length as she scrutinises his new form. “You're a really weird-looking cat.”_ _

__He sighs. “You can't understand me, can you?” He twists. “Put me down, let me have some dignity at least.”_ _

__Watson drops him and again he lands with ease on all four paws. “Do you want something to eat?” she asks, presumably not expecting an answer._ _

__“No,” he says, but finds himself compelled to rub his fur against her legs as images of raw meat in a disgusting-smelling gravy fill his now-quite-small mind._ _

__“Let's see what's in the fridge,” she says, and he follows her downstairs into the kitchen. “Do you have a name?” she asks, pulling a carton of milk from the fridge. “I think I'll call you Grumpy.”_ _

__“Please don't,” he says. She sets a saucer of milk on the floor in front of him. It smells wonderful. He backs away from the saucer, reluctantly. “Perhaps this is all just a dream.”_ _

__Watson scratches at his ears again. It's quite pleasant. Perhaps he _should_ find her a mouse, or a rat. Nothing expresses true friendship quite like a dead rodent, after all. _ _

__A thought strikes him. “If I fail to turn back and have to spend the rest of my life as a cat, promise you won't get me neutered. I don't mind wearing a collar, and I'll accept the occasional vaccination, but I refuse to be neutered. And no catnip,” he adds, “I don't think that's within the spirit of the program.”_ _

__He probably won't have to spend the rest of his life as a cat. Things will probably make sense sooner or later. Most things have a logical explanation. That milk isn't going to drink itself._ _

__“How do you feel about mice?”_ _

__\---_ _


End file.
